|January 15th 2017- 11:31pm|
I am so stressed out now but lo and behold its only week 2.
I have to ensure that:
1. TBY is not slipping and I am not blamed
2. I get flying colours on the SATs
3. Class admin is taken care of
4. Studies is on point
All these worries keep swimming around in my head- could be made worse by adrenaline from excessive coffee indulgence. I feel like all the stress is building up like lava, bubbling and steaming red. Thats why I can’t help but get annoyed at almost everything and taking my frustration out on people. Of course, immediately regretting it but have no courage to take it back.
What they said is really true: This year is going to be the hardest year of my education.
Further aggravated by honestly, useless, CO matters? Yup, this year is the worst.
I am taking small steps at a time which I personally think its a great acheivement but to the world its simply not enough. I am being pushed from the back, being made to take wobbly strides that push my limits. I am stretched thin.
What happen if I snap?
There are too many things on my plate now. But CO, you are the bane of my existence. I really really hate you so much. You make me feel so fucking bad about myself time and time again. I love the people there but the culture annoy the fuck out of me.
Its suffocating and I am definitely putting my eggs in the wrong basket.
Everybody at this point is mildly annoying. For instance:
1. Why in the frick frack snick snack did they buy a whole cake for Jinshan. So fucking expensive. Am I going to expect a fucking cake for everybody’s birthday?
2. Next, why the fuck is everybody pulling out from songs. Why is it that you are so busy and what makes you think I am not as equally busy and tired? I don’t even see you try and you get to pull out so easily? Horrible.
3. Why are my teachers so atrocious? I know I said I would give each of them a chance but come on. Asking us to do tutorials on topics we haven’t even learn finish? Do you think we are fucking gensiuses, deriving formulas for abstract shit like planes?
O lord, give me the patience and willpower to wing this stuff and put it behind me before my anger eats me up. Amen.