|January 10th 2016- 6:22pm|
Enlighten me: How much coffee does it take to make one a coffee addict?
Because I feel like I’m tumbling down this hell hole of coffee addiction.
I have abstained from coffee as long as I could until this year. But this year is not a year for comfortable 3 hour naps or zoning out during lessons. This year is a year of dreamless nights and constant anxiety.
Coffee helps to unleash that adrenaline rush and keep the drowsiness at bay. Honestly, I am quite worried it will lose its effectiveness and I would lose my sole solution to all-nighters.
But for now, praise the heavens for coffee which thou has bestowed upon this infidel.
Meanwhile, I have been stressing about SAT so much that I feel this impeding wave of anxiety upon me whenever I think about the mere 11 days left to refine my mastery of the test.
I have upmost confidence in my language, reading and writing and maybe the essay component. But that doesn’t stop me overthinking about what could go wrong on the fateful day. It make me lose confidence in myself- maybe I am not as good as I think I am.
For the math component, I am worried striken. This is going to be the death of me. Even though countless of people have commented on the ease in completing that section, that does not soothe my fears at all. Any single mistake could pull down my score to rock bottom. It feels like wind up tension in you when you try to stack the last remaining card. It could all just crash in a single move.
But I want (read: need) the high scores so badly so that I can apply for the universities that I want. My classmates have no intention in taking the SATs and that makes me wonder if they are thinking hard enough for their future or are they taking days as they come?
Sometimes, I really hate my classmates. Don’t get me wrong, they have great personalities. But they are horrible people to study with. They gossip too much on irrelevant things and worse still I feel like I am being pulled into this whirlwind of bitching. I get left out sometimes or there is this awkward atmosphere that hangs above us. This, I hate so much.
They are just not my kind of friends and at this juncture, I think I prefer hanging out by myself. Plus, people need to stop dragging me into social events with people I don’t talk to. The awkwardness there deserves a cringe from anyone. Urgh, just thinking back to the 4K dinner fills me with such resent and regret for agreeing to go.
I hate it when people snatch away my dinner time with my family. The only time in the day where I get to talk to my family? Fuck no. I am not going to that dinner.
Okay enough airing of my grievances. I would like to list my new year resolutions in hopes that I would stick by them.
1. Pay attention in lectures and tutorials
2. Give teachers a chance- no matter how shitty they are
3. Do NOT take afternoon naps/ consider the option of waking up early to do homework
4. Follow the schedules that I have set for myself