|October 18th 2016-4:37pm|
They think my friends are bad influences. But honestly, I’m the one coming up with the ideas most of the time.
I hate the way how they classify them as bad influences, degenerates at some times, when they don’t even know them personally. Plus, it bothers me that their words sometimes carry a tone that they are right, that they are the “good” guys. But really, they are living in their little idealistic and perfect bubble of life and anything existing outside the bubble is rejected and despised.
I want to scream in frustration. I feel like I am not doing them any justice. They just don’t understand. They are not bad friends. Are there even bad friends? What constitutes bad friends?
I don’t know.
What I know is that deep inside, I feel a connection with them. I can show them another side of me: one that fails, one that is perverted without feeling shameful and that are major plus points. I hate being judged and when I am with them I don’t need to considerate or try to hide the supposedly “ugly” side of me that is frowned upon when I am with them. I am manipulative, shameless and loose if I can accept these parts of myself then there is no room of you to make me feel ashamed and embarrassed of myself.
That is why when you remarked with that disapproving gaze of yours that “I am looking at you at a different light.”, it makes me wonder if I show them my true self will they shun me with contempt and try to forcefully mould and shape me after them. Or will we slowly drift away and just be strangers with memories of the times that we shared.
For now, I will keep the hideous monsters chained and locked up inside me until the time that I can give you the keys.